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The Twice-Exceptional Student: A Mother’s Viewpoint

September 17, 2018 - 4 minute read


Child working in the classroom

Being a parent is not always easy. When your child has special needs, the job becomes even more difficult. Add to that a Twice-Exceptional (2E) child, someone who not only has special needs such as Autism but also is academically or otherwise gifted, and you can imagine where the stress level reaches. How can you convince the schools that your child needs help when they are so accelerated in the things that schools seem to care most about?

Roadblocks to Help

This was our family’s situation. My oldest son spoke early and well. He knew his letters, but forming them was a challenge due to muscle issues – his hand tired easily. He could read above grade level. He desperately wanted friends, but other kids thought he was weird – “quirky” was our word – and so friendships were difficult to make and harder to sustain.

When I talked to the elementary school about these concerns, I was told that he would mature and all would be fine. At the end of second grade, we paid a psychologist who specializes in children with special needs to assess him. She said that, yes, he was a 2E – definitely on the Autism Spectrum (as we had suspected), but she doubted that the school system would give him services since he was so cognitively gifted.

She was correct. No matter how difficult his social situation was, the elementary school would not test him. They sent him to a weekly “lunch bunch” for basic social skills training, but that was it. I now know a couple things. One, this was a Title I school; they were so overwhelmed with numerous students with “more pressing” needs that my son was not even on their radar. Two, I should have put my request for assessment in writing.

Finally – Assessment and Support

It was not until my son screamed at other students who were bothering him in a class in 7th grade that a principal asked me, “I see you have never had him tested. Why is that?” I told her the entire story – all we had tried at the elementary school, his crushing loneliness, his hatred of himself that made him pound on this thighs with his fists. We were searching for a therapist that we could afford, because we were no longer able to give him the emotional support he needed on our own. We suspected he needed anti-anxiety medication, because he would throw up before school many days.

Luckily, our school district had just recently begun assessing students in middle school who were like our son – not traditionally given services, but who needed help before they “exploded” in high school. We wrote out our request for assessment and signed the release form. He began attending this level’s “lunch bunch,” which was for students with identified needs, and his assessments confirmed what we had already known – he is a classical Aspie.

With his IEP, he was allowed to use coping skills when stressed, such as stepping outside and counting to 10 (or 100). He was no longer forced to write on Scantrons, which had been a big source of frustration and anxiety over lower grades due to his hand not tracking correctly. In high school, he was able to take yoga for PE to help him relax, and there were no more worries about being yelled at for poor performance during a team sport unit. His teachers made sure that all assignments were written on the board and posted online, reducing his anxiety about mishearing and thereby missing homework.

Through this process, my son’s life became much happier. And my life as a parent did, too. I am forever grateful that we found our way with our 2E child.

3 Tips for Parents

Communicate!

  • Get everything down in writing – your request for an assessment, the results, the IEP or 504 Plan if there is one.
  • Ask questions – before, during and after the assessment process. At any point in the school year. Don’t wait for official meetings – if you have a question, ask it.
  • Your child will also have questions. My son worried that he would be pulled from the Honors program with his diagnosis. Answer him truthfully if you know the answer, or ask someone else.

Be Present!

  • Know that the results don’t change who your child is – they simply give you more tools to help him reach his full potential.
  • Don’t blame yourself or your spouse. Genetics do what they are going to do. I have one Aspie and one Neurotypical – the same combination of genes presenting in different ways.
  • Be there for everyone in your immediate family – this affects everyone. We watched our younger son, because he was overly protective of his brother and tried to take on responsibilities that he was too young for. This is common with siblings of children with special needs.

Read!

Here are two of my favorite, positive books on this topic that have helped my family immensely.

  • The Everything Parent’s Guide to Children with Asperger’s Syndrome by William Stillman
  • Be Different: Adventures of a Free-Range Aspergian with Practical Advice for Aspergians, Misfits, Families and Teachers by John Elder Robison

Dr. Rebecca Stanton has been teaching in the School of Education at Concordia University Irvine since 2005, specializing in secondary methods and classroom management. She is the Director of Preliminary Teacher Credential Programs and Co-Director of Undergraduate Teacher Education Programs. Her sons’ special needs inspired her interest in how the brain learns and how to set up positive, inclusive learning environments. Prior to coming to CUI, Dr. Stanton taught high school German and beginning drama as well as junior high math and science.

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